Suicide 101 For The Young

Thinking of suicide? Well, you've come to the right place!

For the suicidal student, we have a list of ways for quick, painless death...Enjoy!!
For a quick,efficient death, DO:

• Say it straight to the discipline teacher, "I told you so". Nothing irks them more than being bested by their students.
• Say it straight to the discipline teacher, "It's your fault, not mine! I didn't want to say it before, but I really feel like I should: I TOLD YOU SO!!". Nothing irks them more than being bested by their students, but knowing that the teacher is in the wrong can be fatal.
• Throw a paper aeroplane in front of the teacher. Should the teacher ask you to go to the office, reply that you can't because you're on the verge of a breakthrough of a dynamic paper plane model guaranteed to be the best in the world. You'd end up at the office faster before you could say "supercalifradgilisticexpialidocious" 10 times, very, very slowly.
• Allow the teacher to catch you doing something unimaginable in class. For instance, mooning. Or you could deliberately text during class. And for the Big Bang, let Teacher catch you passing a note. In the good words of a Boy Scout or Girl Guide, "Always be prepared." , you must always be prepared. So, write down "Heehee, *teacher's name* has saggy boobs!! How does he/she walk around with their nips flailing around left,right, centre? Must be terribly uncomfortable!!!" And just for kicks, you could add in a carricature of your teacher with saggy boobs.
• Pretend to fall asleep in class. When Teacher wakes you up and asks why you were sleeping, reply that you don't really know and that all you know is that you fall asleep whenever you're bored. And then for a big finish, say, "I just don't understand how I could fall asleep during your class. Isn't it weird??"
• If your friends are equally suicidal, take turns to shout rude words at your teacher. Friend #1 could say , "Pn. Whoever!". Friend #2 could say, "Sucks!". Friend #3 could say, "My!" And then, in prefect unison, all of you chorus together, "[expletive]!!!!".
• Play Texas Hold'Em in class. Like the good author Harper Lee once wrote, "Matches are dangerous, but cards are fatal."
• In the presence of a Malay teacher(in fact, any narrow-minded teacher will do), sing "My Humps" accompanied by some dirty dancing involving some moves molesting yourself. Really fatal.
• Annoy your teacher by pretending to be possessed. Say things in a different voice like, "You suckh eggsss!" or "My teacher is a load of cheeeeezzeeeeahhhh!!". Your class may find this hysterical and the disruption may cause the teacher to think otherwise.

See how easy it is? All YOU have to do is follow these simple steps. If all of the above do not work, I have a sure-fire death plan for you: Moon the Headmistress.

*The methods aforementioned may or may not work. Should none of them work including the sure-fire death plan, you have been warned. Please, do not come with your mummy demanding a refund. This is a small print. Therefore, you cannot sue. Like I said, you have been warned.