French Franchise Fries

An army of crass, slap-stick movies seem to be storming box-offices world wide...Crud.

It all started with this,

It soon sparked another idea,

They just couldn't quit while they were ahead...

Yet another one such as below,

*Sigh*

And again,

Most probably the black sheep of the family...it's surname isn't "Movie"

Oooh, here's one for the big people with coloured capes and Spandex tights!

And finally.......

One for the road.

Which unfortunately isn't enough as there would be writers pumping out movies like these faster than we could watch then all.

Let us now bow our heads down in prayer...

Lord,

Will such horrors never cease? Show us(or at least me) that we are not alone. That people have felt what we(I) felt, seen what we(I) seen.

Amen.

Suicide 101 For The Young

Thinking of suicide? Well, you've come to the right place!

For the suicidal student, we have a list of ways for quick, painless death...Enjoy!!
For a quick,efficient death, DO:

• Say it straight to the discipline teacher, "I told you so". Nothing irks them more than being bested by their students.
• Say it straight to the discipline teacher, "It's your fault, not mine! I didn't want to say it before, but I really feel like I should: I TOLD YOU SO!!". Nothing irks them more than being bested by their students, but knowing that the teacher is in the wrong can be fatal.
• Throw a paper aeroplane in front of the teacher. Should the teacher ask you to go to the office, reply that you can't because you're on the verge of a breakthrough of a dynamic paper plane model guaranteed to be the best in the world. You'd end up at the office faster before you could say "supercalifradgilisticexpialidocious" 10 times, very, very slowly.
• Allow the teacher to catch you doing something unimaginable in class. For instance, mooning. Or you could deliberately text during class. And for the Big Bang, let Teacher catch you passing a note. In the good words of a Boy Scout or Girl Guide, "Always be prepared." , you must always be prepared. So, write down "Heehee, *teacher's name* has saggy boobs!! How does he/she walk around with their nips flailing around left,right, centre? Must be terribly uncomfortable!!!" And just for kicks, you could add in a carricature of your teacher with saggy boobs.
• Pretend to fall asleep in class. When Teacher wakes you up and asks why you were sleeping, reply that you don't really know and that all you know is that you fall asleep whenever you're bored. And then for a big finish, say, "I just don't understand how I could fall asleep during your class. Isn't it weird??"
• If your friends are equally suicidal, take turns to shout rude words at your teacher. Friend #1 could say , "Pn. Whoever!". Friend #2 could say, "Sucks!". Friend #3 could say, "My!" And then, in prefect unison, all of you chorus together, "[expletive]!!!!".
• Play Texas Hold'Em in class. Like the good author Harper Lee once wrote, "Matches are dangerous, but cards are fatal."
• In the presence of a Malay teacher(in fact, any narrow-minded teacher will do), sing "My Humps" accompanied by some dirty dancing involving some moves molesting yourself. Really fatal.
• Annoy your teacher by pretending to be possessed. Say things in a different voice like, "You suckh eggsss!" or "My teacher is a load of cheeeeezzeeeeahhhh!!". Your class may find this hysterical and the disruption may cause the teacher to think otherwise.

See how easy it is? All YOU have to do is follow these simple steps. If all of the above do not work, I have a sure-fire death plan for you: Moon the Headmistress.

*The methods aforementioned may or may not work. Should none of them work including the sure-fire death plan, you have been warned. Please, do not come with your mummy demanding a refund. This is a small print. Therefore, you cannot sue. Like I said, you have been warned.

Tag rhymes with rag which rhymes with "No Life"

1. What do you want the most now?
I would very much like something now. Give me a few tags to think of something that I really want.

2. Who is the person you trust most?
I'm a Lone Ranger/Wolf...trust nobody...live alone, die alone...the Lone Free Ranger of SMKDJ...

3. Are you in love?
Yes. Very much. Incredibly much. Am very, very, VERY in love with buying DVD's. Will forever bear a grudge against Lucky & Flo should they close down pirated DVD shops in Dataran Sunway.

4. If you have a dream come true, what is it?
That dream is close to my heart. Besides, that's ambiguous. So I will tell you a dream I once dreamt at night. I moved to a Japanese international school where none of the students would want to make friends because I'm an alleged "racist". How dream is that?

5.Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
I don't believe...I KNOW.

6. What's your goal(s) for this year?
To be the world's (or at least school) #1 slacker/oaf. That's one goal too many for me already. I have high hopes for achieving the title!

7. Do you believe in eternity?
Do YOU believe in eternity?

8. Have you ever broken a person's heart that he/she wants to commit suicide?
I realize that it would be very narcissistic of me to give a positive answer, and also it would be very depressing to give a negative one. Therefore, I shall not dignify that question with an answer!

9. What feelings do you love most?
I love the feeling of lying in my bed all day with naught but a book and my iPod.

10.What are the requirements from your other half?
Which half? Top or bottom? (I thank you, Ghee Ken, for answering that for me)

11.What kinds of feelings do you hate most?
I hate feeling...feeling...emo?sad?depressed?moody?broody?PMS-ed? None of these which I have not felt, so I really don't know the answer.

12.Do you cherish every friendship of yours?
Just the ones near and dear to me and then some.

13.What do you want to do in the future?
I want to get married and have lots of babies in the far future.

14.What is the most important thing in your life?
Sleep. And food, LOTS of food. And water.

15.What did you feel last night?
Geez, personal much? Why in pluperfect hell would the whole world want to know what I felt last night or any other night for that matter??

16.Who do you hope to be always there for you?
I hope my relations would always be there for me. And my best friends. This is one question I could not smart-answer because I don't know how to. Dang...

17.When do you think the world will end?
The day I die. So to me, the world will end because I'm not there to enjoy it. How d'ya like THEM apples?

18.What will you do?
This is getting random. Please elaborate.(Thank you again, Ghee Ken, for I really do not have much to say about this matter)

19.What do you think of the person who tagged you?
Ghee Ken?? Oh, I don't know...wait...I know! I can describe him with one word. This one word perfectly describes him....SCRABBLE.

20.What do you want to know right now?
For the time being, I would really love to know whether there is rainbow-coloured spray paint. When you *fzzzt* it, 7 different colours will come out. Really beautiful.

Then, add 6 people in your list and list them out at the end of the post. Notify them in their chatbox that he/she has been tagged.
-Yi Jing
-Shmot Authors
-Liiyung
-Darren
-Tim
-Ghee Ken(TAG x5!!!)

What A Word!

One day(in school), I was walking back to class minding my own business, then my erratic teacher came up to me very much unscrupulously and said in a monotonous tone like a real doppelganger, "Eh! Don't use this much more shorter way! Use the stairs! Take the long way! If you use the shorter way you will dilly-dally and skip class!!" I felt very flummoxed at my incredibly stupendous teacher. So I had to walk up the stairs in the hot, humid, isotropic weather and I was sweating like crazy. Since it was first period, the classroom was downstairs and I had to walk UPSTAIRS before I could get DOWNSTAIRS. How much of an ignoramus can one teacher be?? By the time I reached the actual class, my face was glowing with luminosity and not in an attractive way and I felt like a gnomon walking up and down. What an albedo of a teacher I have...


I have absolutely NO IDEA what the words in italic meant, but I sound pretty much cool and intelligible saying it. So I thought it might be pretty funny if the reader(you) would actually look up the meaning words and tell me what the words ACTUALLY meant. I shall not elucidate your time now, and sign off and go to sleep.

P.S. If this article isn't funny, then apologies. For those who looked up the meaning of the words and had a good laugh, could you post the meanings to me? Just post a comment.